I Never Wanted to Give Up Alcohol: How I Found Freedom

I never planned to give up drinking. I wasn’t a quitter.

I loved my cocktails. And wine. Oh, how I loved my wine. I didn’t want to stop drinking, I just wished I didn’t want it so much. I never saw myself as an "alcoholic", that was someone who had completely lost control. And I had rules, so that meant I was in control... right?

But the truth is, alcohol controlled more than I realized. It dictated where we ate, depending on what drinks we were craving. It meant I couldn’t drive my kids anywhere in the evenings. My nights revolved around happy hour, my weekends around dinner plans with cocktails. It was my reward, my escape, my social lubricant, my way of relaxing. I convinced myself it was "just a little wine," but looking back, I see how much space it took up in my life.

The Cost of a “Normal” Drinking Life

At the time, I thought my drinking was normal. But that “normal” came at a cost.

I wish I could go back and relive parts of my life without the haze of alcohol, be more present with my kids, feel every moment, experience life fully. I wonder how my marriage would have been different. Would we have split sooner? Or would it have been stronger and more honest? I’ll never know.

I thought drinking made me more fun, more relaxed, sexy, adventurous. But it also made me sloppy, sick, powerless. I lost integrity. I tolerated things I shouldn’t have tolerated. I numbed things I should have paid attention to. I convinced myself I was fine because I was high-functioning, working out, showing up, taking care of responsibilities. But it was exhausting. I was always making up for the toll alcohol was taking on me.

And every morning, I woke up with a little regret.

I’d tell myself I wouldn’t drink tonight. Or maybe I’d just have a little. I made new rules, only on weekends, only two glasses, only from a small glass. But the cycle continued. Because deep down, I didn’t want to quit. I just wanted to be able to take it or leave it. And I couldn’t.

What Changed?

There was no rock bottom. No big intervention. Just an awakening.

Through my coaching training, I started asking myself better questions. I started seeing myself differently. I realized I could rewrite my story. Instead of focusing on stopping drinking, I focused on feeling better. And feeling better made me want to feel even better.

I cleansed my body and felt a clarity I hadn’t felt in years. My confidence grew. My self-respect deepened. I started surrounding myself with people who were also on a similar journey, living fully present with all the good, bad, and ugly of what that can feel like without numbing themselves. I wanted to show up for life fully, see myself and the world around me through CLEAR lenses. To feel my feelings, to be clear and grounded, to trust myself completely. And I realized: alcohol didn’t fit into that vision.

The Freedom of Living Alcohol-Free

Now, months go by between my sips. And I love it.

I love not planning my nights around alcohol. I love waking up clear and energized. I love that I don’t need to stop for wine on the way home or plan who's driving. I love being fully present in my life.

What held me back for so long? The belief that I wasn’t an alcoholic, so I didn’t need to quit. The way our culture normalizes alcohol as a reward, a coping tool, a necessary part of socializing. The way I had built my life in a way that I always felt like I needed an “out.”

But what changed was my awareness. My willingness to see the truth. My desire to feel good, to heal, to live fully.

This is what breaking free feels like. And it’s better than any cocktail I’ve ever had.

Self-Inquiry Questions to Explore

If you’re feeling called to examine your own habits, here are some questions to sit with:

• What are the habits I hold onto because they feel like part of my identity?
• Do my daily choices align with the version of myself I want to become?
• What do I believe alcohol (or any habit) gives me, and is that belief really true?
• How would my life be different if I let go of habits that don’t serve me?
• What is one small step I can take today toward more clarity and freedom?

🎙 Want to Go Deeper? Listen to the Podcast Episode: Listen to Podcast Episode 08

For a deeper dive into this topic, check out my latest podcast episode where I share my personal journey, what shifted, and how I found freedom from alcohol: I Never Wanted to Give Up Alcohol: How I Let Go Without Hitting Rock Bottom.

Final Thoughts:

Breaking free from unhealthy habits isn’t about deprivation, it’s about reclaiming your power and stepping fully into the life you want to live. Change happens when we become aware, when we question what we’ve accepted as normal, and when we choose alignment over autopilot.

If this story resonated with you, I’d love to hear your reflections. What stood out? What habits or identities are you questioning in your own life? Let’s continue this conversation.

You don’t have to hit rock bottom to make a shift. You just have to be willing to see the truth in the matter and to take the first step.